Abandonment Issues Enters The Chat

Repetitive behavior validates most hypotheses, so why would we believe that we don’t create our own hypothesis about “why people leave us” due to overwhelming data we collect from our interactions?  *Abandonment issues enters the chat*. When you’ve become accustomed to people leaving you, you begin to believe that this is all people are ever going to do. Even if you don’t want to admit it, you know on your down days you question why people leave. I know I have. Regardless if I know what led up to that moment the end result is still the same. I speak for myself when I say this, IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY SELF WORTH!  This has everything to do with repetitive behavior that creates this very false idea that people don’t find you worth it. I can love who I am all day and night and know what I’m worth but when people keep leaving, it makes you question if you’re really seeing the real you. 

I am not just speaking about romantic relationships either. There are so many ways for abandonment anxiety to manifest. However, I do believe that getting into a relationship exposes A LOT of the bad behaviours you have picked up due to these issues you didn’t realize you had. Like, leaving the situation before your partner leaves even though there isn’t anything wrong or evidence pointing to there being something wrong. Leave before they decide to leave because that’s all anybody does. Or minimize your own issues to seem less like a bother so your partner can “deal” with you, EVEN WHEN NOTHING NEGATIVE HAS BEEN SAID!!!! 

Abandonment sounds harsh and sounds like whatever is labeled abandonment should be hella dramatic but it doesn’t have to be. it can be a lowkey behavior you’ve come to be accustomed to receiving or yes, it can be hella dramatic and traumatic. 

It takes a lot to realize these things exist inside of ourselves and then to work on them is even harder. We all want someone to show us that we are worth staying around for. We all want someone to show us that they support us and believe in us. We all want someone to show us that they are who they say they are. This is the root of my personal abandonment issues. I am who I say I am, while others we trust will show you that they are not at some point. So for me that manifested it’s way into typically not trusting people nor following their lead. Anybody can contribute to this either it being siblings, parents, friends you’ve had forever or your new partner. We all want to be chosen and accepted by those around us. Most importantly we want to trust the people we have in our lives. 

If we let this learned behavior grow we can actually make what we are scared of come to fruition. Pushing people away because you’re scared is also hurting someone who loves you. You have to look at it in both aspects, you want someone to show you that they have chosen you but you aren’t choosing them. Do you get it? We can’t expect to receive if we are not willing to give. We have to know we are worth someone sticking around for and then we can allow someone to show us this. Also accepting that everyone that comes into your life is not always meant to be permanent, and that is OKAY!

I know for some people that may be reading this think that I am unaware of GODS  love, that is not true. I am very aware, accepting and thankful for GODS love. What God has for me will be for me, however he does not promise anything without pressure. God gave us free will and with that we encounter our own issues that we have to work through. Some choose to work with God while some may not. I choose to work with God to get through my issues because there is nothing without him, however I STILL HAVE TO DO THE WORK! Prayers are meaningless if YOU CANNOT PUT WORK BEHIND IT! God will give you the opportunity to work and rise to occasion. Don’t lead yourself into the wilderness. 

I hope for anyone reading this understands that you are worth someone sticking around for. You are worth love. Don’t be scared of finding happiness. Don’t push away the people who have shown you that they got you. Most of all YOU DESERVE BOUNDARIES SO DON”T BE AFRAID TO SET THEM!!!! Just because you may have abandonment issues does not mean it’s anyone else's responsibility to fix them. You have to take the right steps to identifying where your issues are rooted in and work on them. Be aware of them and dismantle any bad habits you may have gained over the years. It’s a lot of work but it’s so worth it.